Losing Sense

Somewhere embedded in a deeply rooted pain, a torn and desperate heart, fights to keep a sense of sanity alive. Every shade of utter confusion drowns and falls like a waterfall of stabbing pain. Tears overflow, drowning the life within, taking away all that was cherished and sweeping away all the hope that kept it all alive.
I sit and watch the flood of destruction tearing away at every sense of security that ever surrounded me. I felt nothing, all that was left was an empty shell of pain, denying every piece of happiness, and wallowing in an ocean of bitterness.

The Game

Caught up in your game, feeling that sense of excitement so long lost...I feel the magic of your words, entangling my senses in our few stolen moments. The thrill of the hunt embedding the senses to a peak of utter bliss. The game begins with the hunter dangling the excitement just far enough...making the senses overflow with eager anticipation...impatient with curiousity...

Becoming a stranger to myself...

This is one of those times when common sense escapes me and I'm torn, like a child feeling lost and all alone. Stumbling around in a familiar environment that offers no sense of security or any sort of comfort.
The haven of security that had once engulfed me like a blanket of love is now a dark abyss of intense discomfort and searing pain. The blessed hope and love of every breath I ever embraced is so far out of grasp, I see the walls within inevitably closing and the shining light moving further away. All I could manage to feel are tears, slowly running down my face and my breaking heart trembling with undying sadness and immense lose. Where did the path that was paved with smiles, laughter, and the "feeling of being home" veer off to?
Home is not where my heart has come to be...I live with a stranger, once so familiar, one who used to know who she was...now a stranger to herself...me...her...us...myself...

yeah, so I have waged war on my other half, and we have been battling for over a week now. Now if ever you want to define stubborn, look me up. This is the first time he has not thrown in the white flag and it infuriates me! How dare he! ugh! He says that I am spoiled! Spoiled? whatever! Who's fault is it anyways? He spoils me then all of a sudden he decides to punish me by taking that away? So unfair!
If he thinks I am spoiled, oh boy, he has not seen spoiled. I can put rotten in front of that word and live, breath and survive on it.
I know I am being unreasonable, and I chose to be that way for the time being. It is not making life any easier for the both of us and that's okay. I am miserable as I see that he is too. But I am just tired...so damn tired of making it work...
I don't know what else to do but be stubborn and it is killing me...mahnnnn....

hmm.....

So, here I am again, stumbling all over the net, not sure what site to visit or what I should be doing. I know the most logical thing to do is to sleep. yada yada yada...
............................hmm.............

Favorite Spot

This picture is very special to me, it is a picture of my most favorite fishing spot back home, Angaur, Palau. I would sit for hours on the rocks with my fishing line and watch the tide slowly come and go. It is the most relaxing thing in the world for me to do and actually catch fish too!
As of now, I am in the US and I miss fishing in the ocean! I fish in the lakes and that cannot even come close to fishing back home. UGH! The fish have this muddy smell to them, the water is no better and relaxing to the sound of nature is not even an option.
I could actually close my eyes right now and hear the waves crashing against the rocks, smell and taste the saltiness of the ocean breeze as it warmly caresses my face, hear the birds singing their high chirped songs behind me in the trees, branches swaying and making eerie squeaking noises as they rub against each other. How I miss that spot so bad....

Computer matrimony?

Well, I have been up all night, again...
I don't know, it could be depression or the fact that I am addicted to the internet. I feel tired but the thought of sleeping is so beyond me right now. My cousin, Bianca and I, are basically popping our eyes and brains running back and forth all over the sites we are members of. Can't belief neither one of us is married to a computer...I was thinking, same sex marriage is out in the open, I wonder how people feel about marrying your computer? yes, yes, I have not slept, and I am bored out of my mind...
wonder what Bianca is up to? I think I'll go look for her...She might be having some fun and I am here bored and about to jump the gun with my computer...oh, boi....